I fear too

Yesterday had to be one of the worst days emotionally for me. It went from a great morning coffee date with a friend to feeling overwhelmed, insecure and depressed. How did that change so quickly? My question exactly. Anxiety. 

I wanted to quit my job, the Miss America Organization, school, fearless movement and life all together. I didn’t feel equipped for any of it. Things that I want with my whole heart and more, I didn’t want anymore. I broke down in my bosses office which has never happened since I got the job nor have I ever called out. I have 101 assignments/projects for school due this week and 3 Fearless Movement events that I need to heavily prepare for along with a work event right before my event. I mean you can understand now why I was so overwhelmed…but how I dealt with the situation? I didn’t understand it either. Now I do. 

I let my anxiety of not getting my projects done, not being a good teacher to my students, not getting back to the Miss New Jersey stage again, and not being prepared for my events in time, win. Everything I LOVE, I wanted to lose because I let anxiety win. 

Joyce Myers definition for anxiety is “the feeling of uneasiness, known as anxiety is vague and its root cannot be easily identified. It is a general sense of fear or dread we feel without being able to specifically name its source.”

It is a general sense of FEAR. I allowed my fear to win. And then today, I woke up, did the usual dunkin run (because I can’t wake up without my dunkin) and opened my devotionals to spend some time with the guy upstairs who only knows exactly how I feel and can help me… I open to this. 

If that isn’t uplifting and a word spoken directly from God to me, I don’t know what is. It was for today’s date and everything. Whether you believe in God or not, this was no coincidence. Even if you believe it was, it was still for me to read, on this very day. Then I opened up to this in my other devotional, I have quite a few, lol. 

I am a vessel of honor. I am created to do immeasurable things. NO ONE can be a vessel of honor by "standing tall and pretty”. We ALL break down sometimes and thats OK. It’s what you do while you’re breaking down and who you run too. You can CHOOSE peace today..

 ”We control the way we respond about things that might trouble us.” Listen, if Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, an amazing actor, Fred Astaire received feedback saying he couldn’t act and Walt disney was fired because he was lacking ideas… We can’t allow these anxieties to stay within us. 

Something I say to my students during power hour, an hour dedicated to their studies when they get overwhelmed with a problem, “You can and you will.” I need to practice what I preach and I wanted to be transparent with you today in hopes of it being your next victory because life gets hard. My story was meant to change the lives of others and your story is too. I didn’t have this confidence and courage that I have today, yesterday. 

Today, I not only believe but I know all of those things that I had anxiety about not getting done, are going to get done and God is going to bless my hard work in the process. He will do the same for you. Lean on in Him in sense of fear and anxiety. 

Remember being Fearless is not having no fear at all, it’s choosing to rise up and FIGHT BACK against your fears.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me about what you’re battling with. I am here for you and everything is kept confidential. Information below

Email: thefearlessmovement@gmail.com

Insta: FearlessMovement

Facebook: FearlessMovementFM 

Stay Fearless, I’m rooting for you, always. 

Ashley Kulikowski

Founder of Fearless Movement