Decisions

Today, I’m not so sure if I’m made out for all that I have planned. I feel low, indecisive and oppressed. I went in to my check up at the neurologist yesterday looking for answers and came out with only questions that I had to have the answers for. Decisions have to be made with further medication, surgeries, diets, etc. I feel lost in a world where everyone knows what they’re doing but me… Yesterday was the first day since the day I was diagnosed with Epilepsy, that I walked out with fear for my future. I did not feel like the founder of Fearless Movement. I did not feel courageous, brave or in the slightest bit, fearless. Yesterday was a hard day.

If you did not notice, I kept saying how I “felt”. That is, indeed, how I felt and how I feel at the moment. It’s not something I want you to live off of although. You may feel just as low as me, just as indecisive, as oppressed. Or, you may “feel” worse. But one thing I cannot forget, and one thing you should not either… We CANNOT live off of our “feelings”. We live off of decisions that give us a brighter future. Fearing will not add a single hour to my life, nor will it add one to yours. (Matthew 6:27) So why do we fear? Why do we allow our feelings to dictate how we live our lives? Does it give us some comfort in some odd sense? Does it make us feel secure in SOMETHING at least? I don’t have the answers for the questions my doctor had towards treatment, or really anything else. I do have the answers for feeling self pity, living in fear, and living by my feelings. The answer is to not. Yes, to not live in fear, pity yourself or live by your feelings. You are better then this. I am better then this. We are better then this.

Life is hard. It’s going to throw some tough battles and questions our way that we won’t have the answers for at that moment. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to allow our feelings to dictate where we go afterwards. Our future is being shaped and formed this very second. Every decision we make matters. That may give you anxiety thinking that every decision shapes us for the rest of our lives, but that gives me hope. It shows I have the biggest impact in my future more than anyone else (Other than God, of course). You are what you tell yourself. I am courageous, brave and fearless because I am choosing to FIGHT BACK against these fears of mine. I’m choosing to find out the answers with guidance from doctors, neurologists and most importantly through prayer. God has my life already planned out. So why not go to the writer of my story to begin with? Guidance is the key to living a successful life. It’s okay to feel upset, and to ask for help. It doesn’t make you weak. What makes you weak is living in sadness and doing everything on your own.

I’ve been struggling with a definition to describe what being fearless truly is, until I saw this quote… “Being fearless isn’t the point. That’s impossible. Its learning how to control your fear and be free from it.” That is my definition of fearless. It’s about your choices and the journey in becoming fearless. You have the choice to move forward with your life, make decisions, look for guidance, and shape your future into what you want it to be. You are made for more.

As always, Fearless Movement is here for you and your battles. Please reach out and your story will be kept confidential. You can reach us at thefearlessmovement@gmail.com --

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